missing my babies

I've been in a relationship with the same man for the last 6 years. I moved all the way from Louisville Ky. Just to be with him.I guess it's safe to say that I love him deeply. But what he fails to realize is all that I gave up to come here and be with him...I walked away from family,friends,and most of all,the slim chance to have a relationship with my daughters, Allexxis,Bretta,Rayna, and last but not least my katie bug...I Know that leaving my girls was wrong...I had alot of issues in my life that were no good for growing girls to have to grow up and wittness..and I truely believed that I was doing the right thing...but I guess I screwed up there too...I have been clean and sober for 6 years now...that's a serious accomplishment for me,if any of you knew me...then you'd know what I'm talking about! I have this whole in my heart, that no one can fill...so I'm left unemotional, empty, uncaring and sometimes even cold....I guess you can say I am bitter...I read my daughter's blog about her Dad not taking care of his self and how concerned she is about him...and YES! I AM BITTER!!!!! I can remember when she would cry because she had to go with him...now It's like she's forgotten about me....I know I am partly to blame...But They r still my childen, dont I have a right to atleast get to talk to them on the phone?? My oldest daughter Allexxis, she will graduate rhis year from Presentation Acadamy...I will not be invited...I know that..but my heart and soul will be there with her as she crosses that stage....That I would never miss....