1 down 3 to go!!!!!!!!!!!

today started as a normal day....until I got a phone call from a friend telling me that my best friend was in respritory failure.  I called her mom and verified that indeed she was, and they were putting her on lung bypass as we spoke. Well that's when my day got complicated. You see my best friend just happens to be the mother of my step children...My husbands X wife. I had to look her 15 year old daughter in the eye and tell her that her mother was now in intencive care, and things were touch and go....we got ourselves together and headed for the hospital, to the micu unit waiting room, and waited not so patiently for some one to come out and tell us something. ANYTHING!!! Then I got a text message!!!! My 14 year old daughter Bretta was sending me a message. Now that might not sound real exciting to you, so let me tell you the rest of the story..If you have read any of my bloggs you've seen that long ago I made alot of bad choices in my life..the biggest one of those was getting involved in drugs, and walking off and abandoning my 4 children. now let me say that I have been clean for almost 6 years....but was so afraid to face my mistakes that I let myself believe that  my babies were better off without me...today i learned that i was wrong, in every aspect! my baby found me on face book! I now had a chance of a lifetime!!! MY baby still loves me and needs me in her life...we have talked all day...and texted when we wern't talking...for a day that started out tragic...it sure ended slindedly...My friend is now in stable condition and is responding well to treatment...and my daughter is back in my life....now if I could only find the other 3, I'd finally be complete...but for now, I am over joyed beond belief....I love you Bretta paige...this was the best christmas gift I could have ever recieved....

christmas doesn't feel like christmas anymore

Christmas used to be the most important Holiday for me...all the lights, people running around, trying to find the best gift at the best price, putting up the tree, wrapping the gifts, and watching my girls faces as they opened their presents...that was the most wonderous time of my life....NOT ANY MORE!!! I just dont seem to care about any of it....didn't put up my tree, didnt get up at 3 am to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving, no lights this year...just dont feel like Christmas....I dont have my girls here in Alabama with me, and I think I may be going through some kind of depression....hell I dont even want to get out of bed, let alone get out and do anything...Im moving into my new house on the first of January, so that may have alot to do with me just not wanting to get involved in any kind od decorating...I dont know....I just dont know.....All I know is that I wish so much That i could be with my girls....that would be the best Christmas that I could ask for....I could never ask for nothing more...I love you, ALLEXXIS....BRETTA...RAYNA...MIKAYLA...I wish all 4 of you the best christmas ever...know that you will always be in my thoughts and prayers...